I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
