she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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