My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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