I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
