Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
