Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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