im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
