The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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