You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
