just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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