If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
