he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
