A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
