Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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