We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
