Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
