After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
