I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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