A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
