I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
