If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
