If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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