that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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