The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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