His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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