Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
