I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
