is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
