hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
