i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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