Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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