elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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