Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
