I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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