That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
