I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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