you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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