i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
