yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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