I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
