I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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