oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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