btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
