Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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