we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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