there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
