You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
