I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
