Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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