Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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