Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are we still banned from the library?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
