how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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