I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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