I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
