she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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