There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
