im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
