Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize