I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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