Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
