There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
