just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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