I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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