One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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