I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
