only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
