I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize