dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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