Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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