he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
high people should be assigned attendants
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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