why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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