and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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