from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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