u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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