I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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