Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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