Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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