I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
