I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize