as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
