i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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