We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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