What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
