There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
