So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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