So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
