Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The air was thick with penises
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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