I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
why is half of my head shaved?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
