Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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