And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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