I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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