Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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