in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
only you would photoshop your dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
