those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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